Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
