Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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