i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
