Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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