Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
