you mean i was at the winter classic?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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