i think i have herpe
just one?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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