He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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