lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
