I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
