last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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