First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
