You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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