we're making bets on your personal life
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wear drunk well.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
