Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
