She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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