I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
