I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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