Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
