last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
