I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
