I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Less talking, more tequila
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
