wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
