well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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