i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
please don't ironically join a cult
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
