Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
