Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
