That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
