I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
