there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
