Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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