its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
