My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
