Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
