the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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