doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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