I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
