We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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