erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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