My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
