Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
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When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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