im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
