Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
