I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's always time for handjobs
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
