I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
