How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
