ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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