my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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