A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
