ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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