i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?