Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out