if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize