I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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