my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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