Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
