just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
