Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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