I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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