I love black thongs
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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